the subtle art of not giving a fuck

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

The title of this book caught my attention recently while I was at the airport. Working with many people who have anxiety or feel stressed out I thought it could be an interesting read. I like things that make us question the status quo and may be a bit provocative. The subtitle drove home my decision to purchase it: “A counterintuitive approach to living a good life.” Even cooler!

I was curious about the author and what his credentials are so I looked on the back cover and discovered he was a well-followed blogger. Hmmm… Not your typical (potentially dry) self-help PhD? Not surprising with a title like this. My graduate studies had taught me to be leary about non-scientific based information, but I’m an out-of-the-box thinker, so I’m usually willing to let things speak for themself. As I read I realized Manson has no specific education or credential as a therapist or in the mental health field. What he does have is his own personal experiences, which he shares freely in the book (which is different than most PhD, self-help authors!). He’s likable and seemingly very open, which is a plus for me. Essentially what I found is a very direct and easy-to-understand and assimilate way to communicate mindfulness (without really talking about mindfulness!). Even cooler!

I have many clients who are not “readers” and I’m always on the lookout for books that may be interesting to the uninterested reader. This book fits the profile. I have recommended it to several people and they *loved* the title and were willing to give it a whirl upon my recommendation.

A few of the premises in the book that caught my attention:

  1. We can never really avoid being in pain and discomfort (he uses the word suffering), so choose what you want to be in discomfort about.
  2. Choose what you want to give a f*ck about rather than giving a f*ck about everything.
  3. Your emotions are there for a very good reason – to give you feedback, to get your attention. So PAY ATTENTION to them!
  4. Make sure you are aligning with your values and priorities. Are the people you surround yourself with people you strive to be like? Are the decisions you are making assisting you in being the best version of yourself?
  5. Failure is to be expected! Welcome it. Learn from it! Perfectionism can keep us from living in reality… I mean really, at what point is “perfection” achieved?! Or are you always telling yourself you’re STILL not good enough.
  6. It’s ok to say “No.” Again, choosing what you do and don’t want to participate in establishes appropriate boundaries.

I found it to be a very enjoyable, humorous, entertaining read, and am glad I read it.

Intrigued?! Give it a whirl for yourself!

 

emotional roller coaster

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Living with Chronic Illness

Written by Cheryl Young, MAMFT

Being diagnosed with chronic illness can often feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster ride!

Here are 9 that are often relatable to both the individual and family members after a diagnosis
has been made:

1. Relief

  • “Finally an answer, I’m not crazy after all!”
  • “At least now I can build a plan of action and keep from getting worse. It sucks
    not to know!
  • “Well, at least it’s not going to kill me. So I have that going for me. It could be
    much worse!”

2. Jealousy

  • “Why do I feel so limited by my illness while others I know with a chronic
    condition seem to do just fine?”
  • “How unfair! My friends and family are getting to follow through with all the
    plans they made for their future – now I have this roadblock in front of me!”
  • “Why don’t other people understand – I may look just fine, but they can’t see
    the invisible symptoms I am feeling like fatigue, depression and anxiety”.

3. Impatience

  • “Why all the long waits for a doctor’s appointment – it feels like they just don’t
    care about me!”
  • “When will I know if this medication is actually working?”
  • “How come they don’t have a cure by now?”

4. Disappointment

  • “I feel like crap but my doctor says I am fine.
  • “I give up! Why bother eating healthy and going to PT – nothing is making me
    feel better!”
  • “I used to have dreams and ambitions. Now I can no longer do the things I
    wanted to do with my life. What do I do now?”

5. Exhaustion

  • “All I do is think about my condition – I just wish I could take one day or even one
    hour off from all the worrying!”
  • “I hate having to rely on others all the time for help – I worry about adding more
    stress to their lives too!”
  • “I am so anxious and worried that I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate, and I have mood swings all the time.”
  • “There are so many unpredictable problems -I am worn out by all the emotional ups and downs.”

6. Loss of Identity

  • “Do I have any choices anymore? I feel like my body has betrayed me and I am
    no longer who I once was.”
  • “I have lost sight of who I actually am as a whole human being.”
  • “Can I still have a career? Will I still be able to perform my job without asking for
    help?
  • “Can I still find love as a person with this condition? Will I ever be able to enjoy
    romance, friendship, sex or care for my own family?”

7. Fatalism

  • “My doctors do not care about me, they just want to collect my insurance – they
    probably don’t even want to find a cure.”
  • “Things aren’t getting better…why do I even bother trying to fight this disease?”
  • “So much for living mindfully. I may as well live on the edge because nothing I do
    for myself makes a difference.”

8. Withdrawl

  • “I don’t talk to friends or family or coworkers anymore because it’s too difficult
    to explain – they wouldn’t understand anyway.”
  • “I don’t work or take part in my usual activities anymore because I can’t perform
    them the way I used to and it is embarrassing. I used to be good at these things.”
  • “I don’t want to leave the house anymore because it is physically too hard, there
    are too many obstacles out in the world for people with disabilities and people
    can be cruel and stare at me.”

9. Getting Perspective (Gratitude)

  • “I am grateful to my friends and family who through this journey have helped me
    by being good listeners and also sharing their feelings in a way that helps me
    clarify and value my own journey.”