Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration for One Another – Something brought you together initially. Can you remember what it was? Be in that memory for a few moments. Doesn’t it feel good to remember that excitement and newness? Marriage has a lot of ups and downs but the more you can focus on the positives and weather the down times well, you’ll be in good shape.
Fondness and Admiration are antidotes for Contempt (remember those Four Horsemen?!). When you start to get sarcastic, cynical, roll your eyes, use hostile humor, or feel an aggressive (or passive-aggressive) anger you are using Contempt. Notice this and let it go. Don’t judge it or get angry at yourself for falling into it (again?!). Just move on and focus on the things you admire about your partner and your relationship together.
Focus on those things in your relationship that FEEL GOOD!