Shifting from Should to Could

You SHOULD do this. You SHOULD do that. What happens in your body and mind when you read those sentences?

I wonder if resistance or discomfort arises. For me, I get a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I get heated, fired up.  And I want to fight and argue.

We don’t like to be told what to do. We want the freedom of choice. To choose what feels best to us. Yet we are often the ones shoulding all over ourselves as we remind ourselves of outdated messages we received from other people, faith traditions, cultures, society, etc.

So then does this mean we are creating our own tension inside of ourselves that we don’t need or likely want to be creating?! Hmmm…how would you answer that? When we know better, we do better. There is another option. A way to speak to yourself kinder and gentler.

This is your moment. Notice how you are shoulding all over yourself and the negativity it elicits in you. No need to beat yourself up for continuing to should, just notice it with a, “Well, there’s that,” and move along. Just the act of noticing diffuses it and gives it permission to go on its way.

If it feels better to you, experiment with replacing should with could. Could gives us options and the freedom to choose. Remember, we like freedom. We like choice. Choose wisely.