Tag Archive for: anxiety

you are enough

You Are Enough

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Written by Jennifer Komis, MAMFT, MDIV

So often, we twist and turn to fit the molds of our culture’s making. We adjust our looks and our opinions to stay within lines that are rarely ever drawn, but somehow we know are there. We make life plans on autopilot with the goal of keeping up with the Joneses. But here’s the thing… are the Joneses even happy? Does anyone know? I have no idea, but my guess is they’re probably just tired.

Your birth was your invitation to be YOU.

And what a dramatic invitation that was! You fought your way pushing and screaming into this world with all of your uniqueness, complexity, fervor and passion. Remember that you? She/he is still there, ready to speak, ready to be enough just as she/he is, and ready to live a life that feels authentic down to your very bones. Find a quiet place and listen. Remember that, “you can’t hate your way into loving yourself.”

For many of us, “I’m not enough” is the painful mantra behind our fears. And for many of us, we came to this conclusion because of some life experience that left us feeling unaccepted or unloved just as we are. So we engage in a process of striving, running, racing, always pushing to earn that title of “good enough.”

But here’s the thing. YOU ARE. In this moment, with your scars, mistakes, big secrets, regrets, all of it, YOU ARE ENOUGH. Can you try that on for a day? Live in that truth for a day? See how it feels? What’s different? What’s scary? What’s refreshing?

Spread the good word: You, you, you, and you, all of us, are enough, just as we are.

living in the now

Are We There Yet???

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Written by Cheryl Young, MAMFT

…. HOW MUCH LONGER???

Wow! Does this sound familiar to you? It brings back sweet childhood memories of long family vacations in the car. All four kids sandwiched in the back seat of our family Buick, literally sitting on top of each other (without seatbelts!. Stuck together through the hot summer sun on our way to our family vacation.

Where are we now?

Metaphorically are we still in the back seat of the family car…on the long car ride to where? And how long will we be on top of each other. How much longer???

Some of my best memories from those long car trips are making up games to pass the time and learning to appreciate the little things along the way. Finding hidden treasures, creating new memories and storing them in my personal polaroid picture album.

Do you remember the ‘World’s largest Yarn Ball’ or the ‘World’s Biggest T-Pee’ and ‘The World’s Biggest Rocking Chair?’ Family vacations always revealed the best hidden treasures along the way.

Perhaps…we are on the greatest Family Vacation ever right NOW!

I don’t remember missing the comforts of home during those trips – it was our ‘new normal.’ We learned to live in the moment and appreciate all of the wonderful food available at Stucky’s rest stops along the way, or cold sandwiches we packed in coolers. I also remember waiting patiently for the gas station breaks (even the see-through toilet paper!).

These experiences bring strength to our current day. What about your family vacation memories? My rosy perspective gives me the gift of remembering all the good memories of these trips and edits out the car sickness, wishing for more room or missing all of my friends…but they were all a part of this trip. Both existed at the same time.

While this current family vacation looks very different – and I am no longer sharing the same physical space with my siblings, they are still with me. And now, during this time of quarantine, I am able to meet my neighbors, recognize kids as they ride their bikes, wave at families while taking my daily walk. I am NOW starting to know my neighbors’ names and not just the cars they drive. This global and uninvited slowdown has given me the gift of perspective and appreciation.

Living in the NOW!

So, what if…this is your/our time?! THE time to create new memories is in front of us. It always has been. With or without the global pandemic…we are LIVING RIGHT NOW!

NOW is the time we need to be present and find our contentment and joy.

What if we decide to live TODAY as we choose and dream? What if we followed our passions and what is inside our heart and our dreams? Who would care- who else would show up?

I am still in the back seat of that Buick – trying to find my place in the ‘seat’ and also claiming my voice. What about you? Can you relate? I am uncomfortably – comfortable. I know that I am bigger, smarter and stronger – yet still hesitate to show up as my authentic self. What about you?

Is our journey today any different?

Let’s take the ‘mask’ off and ground ourselves in the reality that we are possibly living our ‘best life.’ What if we are already ‘There’ and NOW is the time to participate in this thing called life?

How would you go through your day differently if you knew this was it? We are no longer on pause – this is our Now!

Maybe have a dance party in the kitchen (BEFORE breakfast?!!)…or spend a little more time listening to those who matter to you?

Well, my friend…this is the time – I invite you to enjoy it!

finding your new now

Finding Your New “NOW”

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Written by Cheryl Young, MAMFT

I don’t know about you, but the words, ‘unprecedented, unsettling and uncertain’ are starting to lose their shock value on me. It is disturbing to listen to the news and feel that I have lost control of my very purposeful, intentional and planned out future.

The myth of being in control is now clearly being revealed. The belief that we controlled any areas of our lives has been exposed to wishful thinking. Our ‘needs’ that we intentionally took care of are now no longer needs but simply ‘wants.’ How does this sit with you? Does this feel ‘unsettling and uncertain’? Our new ‘now’ is teaching all of us that we never really were in control and perhaps there are other ways to have what we ‘need.’

Prior to our globally forced slow down – what were your plans or dreams?

What were your barriers? How have they changed? How have you changed? And now… what will you choose? Very rarely do we choose to go through pain and discomfort to reach our desires.

Personally, I have found that you cannot find true joy, unless you learn to embrace the natural pain that comes along the journey. The degree to which you avoid discomfort is also the degree to which you cannot access the delight.

When we make the decision to begin a new exercise program…the pain is expected and even accepted. We physically feel the pain of healthy growth and even welcome it as a sign of our commitment in making new uncomfortable choices to improve our physical bodies.

This is also true for our mental, emotional and relational selves. We are wired to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. Yet the growth and strength in the many areas of our lives requires the decision and willingness to face what feels uncomfortable, and sometimes painful.

To choose connection and not isolation, we must accept the risk and sometimes pain of being known and vulnerable along with the risk of being hurt. To be emotionally healthy, we have to come in contact with and befriend the very emotions that we don’t want to have.

While my usual ‘silver lining’ outlook is growing skeptical and full of doubt, I have found that practicing intentional gratitude during these ‘unprecedented, unsettling and uncertain’ times has provided me with a new lens through which I look to greet the day or difficult situation. This lens doesn’t remove the ‘bad’ – it just allows the good to shine a little brighter.

Choosing to start each day with an intention of self-love, compassion and growth provides internal grit and strength to face the uncertainties and clouds of fear that hang over all of us. Having a daily intention allows us to pay attention to what we say is important to us and not let the distractions of the day take control.

The practice of gratitude and setting daily intentions does not eliminate the potential pitfalls around us. Rather, it allows us to respond in a way that we get to choose. Learning to accept the emotions that follow doubt and fear, allows us to release the power they have over us.

Finding your new now means being present with all of your emotions, feelings and thoughts. Accept the good with the bad. Allow the best of you to shine through even while we are living in these ‘unprecedented, unsettling and uncertain’ times. Always remember you have a choice of which lens you choose to look through.

Cheryl Young supports people on their healing journey. Email her to see how she can help you discover a healthier YOU at [email protected]

toxic positivity

When the Dust Settles: Avoiding Gaslighting, Toxic Positivity, & External Validation

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

In Julio Vincent Gambuto’s brilliant article, “Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting” we see that the treadmill we’ve been on for a decade has abruptly stopped. When life returns to “normal” or some semblance of a “new normal” the economy is going to need a huge boost and we will be sold a lie that we need stuff to soothe ourselves from the trauma we’ve experienced due to COVID-19.

Gambuto’s article refers to Gaslighting as: “Manipulation into doubting your own sanity.” The example he gives is, “Carl made Mary think she was crazy, even though she clearly caught him cheating. He gaslit her.”

The last several weeks of realizing that the treadmill is broken and there’s no way we’re ever getting back on it has been a traumatic experience whether we realize it yet or not. While we’re “in” the traumatic experience we go into survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze) to get through it. It’s not until the trauma has stopped and things go ‘back to normal” that we begin to see the effects of trauma unfold.

Most of us are quite resilient and will recover from the isolation of this pandemic just fine. Some of us will be shaken up for a while and need help getting our bearings. If this is you, therapy can be extremely helpful. Look for a wonderful therapist who will validate your experience and allow you to move beyond it as you are ready. Don’t get caught up in toxic positivity which forces you to think that if you aren’t “staying positive” something’s wrong with you. That’s a load of shit. You are human and your moods are watery, shifting and changing with the tides. A good therapist helps you make friends with the ocean so you can navigate it and find the balance that is best for you in each new moment as you ride the wave of life.

Click here to read the full article! 

calm yourself during covid-19

5 Easy and Practical Ways to Calm Yourself During COVID-19

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

I think I have COVID-19! I’m having a hard time breathing, my chest feels tight, and I’m more tired than normal. Or perhaps it’s just my wonderful friend Anxiety, reminding me I’m still alive and kicking.

Here are five things you can do to welcome your friend, Calm, into your life during this time:

1. Blow out Birthday Candles!

Say what?! Yup! When you are holding your breath, you already have a breath of air in so you want to focus on your exhale. Forcefully blowing out air and squeezing every last bit of air out of your lungs invites your body to breathe a deep breath in on the inhale. Do this a few times and it feels wonderfully invigorating!

2. Get clear on what you have control over and what you don’t have control over.

The easy answer is: You don’t have any control over COVID19, you only have control over yourself. Your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Even if it sometimes feels like you don’t, you can learn how to do this. What you don’t have control over is anyone or anything else — what they do, what they say, how they think, how they feel, or how this whole pandemic plays out.

3. Focus on Your Five Senses

Take a moment, or two, wherever you are, to focus on each of your five senses — sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. Encourage yourself to find descriptive words for each sense you notice. Being curious and noticing counteracts the desire to judge or evaluate things. Allow what you notice to be just as it is without it being good or bad, right or wrong, you like it or don’t like it.

Click here to read the full article!

Louisville Marriage and Family Therapist, Megan Bayles Bartley LMFT, Expands Her Counseling and Meditation Practice by Launching the Louisville Mindfulness Center

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Megan Bayles Bartley, a well-known marriage and family therapist in Louisville, KY, is excited to announce that she has expanded her counseling practice by opening the region’s first mindfulness center. After seeing an increase in demand for her therapeutic and meditation services, Megan hired two additional therapists to join her practice and to help establish the Louisville Mindfulness Center.

The Louisville Mindfulness Center mission is to help participants find peace and joy within themselves and their relationships through therapy. Megan, and her new team of therapists, plans to provide the necessary mental tools available to clients, so that they can more effectively deal with life’s stressors in a practical manner.

Some of the therapeutic approaches offered by the Louisville Mindfulness Center include the following:

  • One-on-one sessions that address an individual’s specific needs in that moment of time. During these sessions mindfulness practices that will help relieve stress associated with the life event in question are discussed.
  • Group classes that are affordable opportunities to be introduced to the practice of mindfulness. Some also get a “refresher” course for those who need to get back on the right track towards mindfulness.
  • One-hour mindfulness meditations that introduce the practice of mindfulness to newcomers. These also help refocus individuals who have strayed from a personal path towards mindfulness.

Megan is making it easier to access therapeutic services incorporating a different view of mindfulness in Louisville, KY. She hopes that as a result individuals will be able to decrease their levels of anxiety. The coping skills taught are designed to calm a person and help them think in more peaceful and joyful terms.

For more information on Louisville Mindfulness Center, Megan Bayles Bartley, and her expanding practice, click here. If you are looking for a therapist in the Louisville, KY-area who incorporates mindfulness into their practice – contact Louisville Mindfulness Center today. Megan and her two new therapist associates have open appointment slots available for new or returning clients. You can register for an appointment online by clicking here.

 

“Rewiring Your Brain” at Louisville Salt Cave

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Nicole Bartlett and Kim Rash of Louisville Salt Cave have invited me back for their August Speaker’s Series.

Come hear me speak on using Mindfulness to “Rewire Your Brain,” August 31st at 6pm.

I’m looking forward to this opportunity to not only pass along some helpful nuggets of wisdom to help you change a pattern of thinking, feeling, or behaving, but also to offer an experiential practice that you can take with you anywhere you go! Learn to calm your mind and body, focus your attention, regulate your emotions, and find balance.

Register online on the Salt Cave’s website!

I’ll see you there!

We are expanding! Introducing… Stewart Morgan!

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Welcome Stewart Morgan!

Marriage Counseling, Anger Management, Anxiety, Couples Counseling

Due to the high demand for services, I am happy to announce I have added a new therapist to my practice.

Stewart works with individuals, couples and families to communicate better and feel more connected in their relationships. Not only is he a Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, he also has a master’s degree in Art Therapy.  He loves helping his clients come up with creative solutions to their issues.

Stewart grew up in Bangladesh, India and the US before attending college in Arkansas and graduate school in Missouri. He has a knack for working with clients of different cultural backgrounds and worldviews. He likes helping clients be accepting of themselves even when it feels like others aren’t always accepting of them.

Stewart’s excited to get to know you and be a positive support for you and I’m grateful to have him!

Summer Mindfulness Meditations!

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