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blame

The Blame Game

Written by Bridgette Allen, MAMFT

Do you play the blame game?

Why are you giving all of your power away?

Finding fault on the outside is a way of relieving uncomfortable emotions you feel on the inside. Personal accountability is tough to swallow sometimes. If we’re accountable for any part in our relationships, including the one we have with ourselves, we are also responsible for making it better.

We may choose not to accept accountability because we have developed very little self awareness and are unable to observe our personal contributions to the challenge. It is also possible to be very self aware, while realizing being accountable will bring about discomfort, so we ignore and continue to project it onto someone or something else. Most of the time we work from somewhere in between these two perspectives.

An important thing to note is that being accountable does not mean you release responsibility of another for their part in the issue, rather you empower yourself by taking control of you.

Areas of personal accountability:

  • Choices
  • Happiness
  • Sexuality
  • Emotions
  • Learning
  • Healing
  • Behavior
  • Self-care
  • Desires/passions
  • Loving
  • Change
  • Emotions
  • Forgiving
  • Success/failure
  • Validation
  • Thoughts
  • Mental/physical illness
  • Motivation
  • Personal care
  • Relationships
  • Progress
  • Fitness/Health
  • Routines/Habits

This list is not inclusive of every area of personal accountability, but it gives us a good idea of the power we have over our own lives, if we take it. Another reason to stop playing this game, is that you will always lose, and especially in relationships. Blaming has the ability to help us escape our emotions, and can become a sort of addiction. So the next time you are tempted to blame, pause, then observe your physical sensations, thoughts and underlying emotions. Notice the discomfort you are experiencing. Soothe yourself and ask yourself how you might be playing a role in it.

trust

Trusting the Process and Your Heart

trust

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Trust is not easy.

When we are “trusting” something or someone, it assumes there is some uncertainty and we’re “having faith” or trusting something positive will happen. And typically, we don’t always love to feel uncertainty.

However, most of life is fairly uncertain. We think we know what’s going to happen but then we say, “Or I could get hit by a bus tomorrow!” However, do we really think we’ll get hit by a bus? No.

What this shows us is that even in the uncertainty and the possibility of getting hit by a bus, we TRUST that we likely won’t get hit by the bus and therefore are fairly calm with the uncertainty of what will happen tomorrow.

What is really happening psychologically when we do this is sending ourselves a subconscious message that we actually think good things are most likely to happen (we’ll be alive tomorrow) more so than the negative will happen (getting hit by the bus).

I love, love, love “The Law of Detachment” chapter in Deepak Chopra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. He writes,

“In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.”

How poetic and reassuring; compassionate and wise. Calming even.

I wonder if you noticed how it spoke to your head or your heart, your thinking brain or your feeling brain, or both.

Or maybe you even felt the two, the thinking brain and the feeling brain, connect with each other in a way that left you feeling calm or some other positive emotion.

If not, give it another read and see what happens. Maybe something even more profound might happen. Maybe you’ll notice something come to you in a few days, a week, or even a month from now.

May we all be willing to step into the unknown; to allow ourselves the opportunity to see all the possibilities the universe has to offer.

 

you are enough

You Are Enough

Written by Jennifer Komis, MAMFT, MDIV

So often, we twist and turn to fit the molds of our culture’s making. We adjust our looks and our opinions to stay within lines that are rarely ever drawn, but somehow we know are there. We make life plans on autopilot with the goal of keeping up with the Joneses. But here’s the thing… are the Joneses even happy? Does anyone know? I have no idea, but my guess is they’re probably just tired.

Your birth was your invitation to be YOU.

And what a dramatic invitation that was! You fought your way pushing and screaming into this world with all of your uniqueness, complexity, fervor and passion. Remember that you? She/he is still there, ready to speak, ready to be enough just as she/he is, and ready to live a life that feels authentic down to your very bones. Find a quiet place and listen. Remember that, “you can’t hate your way into loving yourself.”

For many of us, “I’m not enough” is the painful mantra behind our fears. And for many of us, we came to this conclusion because of some life experience that left us feeling unaccepted or unloved just as we are. So we engage in a process of striving, running, racing, always pushing to earn that title of “good enough.”

But here’s the thing. YOU ARE. In this moment, with your scars, mistakes, big secrets, regrets, all of it, YOU ARE ENOUGH. Can you try that on for a day? Live in that truth for a day? See how it feels? What’s different? What’s scary? What’s refreshing?

Spread the good word: You, you, you, and you, all of us, are enough, just as we are.

toxic positivity

When the Dust Settles: Avoiding Gaslighting, Toxic Positivity, & External Validation

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

In Julio Vincent Gambuto’s brilliant article, “Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting” we see that the treadmill we’ve been on for a decade has abruptly stopped. When life returns to “normal” or some semblance of a “new normal” the economy is going to need a huge boost and we will be sold a lie that we need stuff to soothe ourselves from the trauma we’ve experienced due to COVID-19.

Gambuto’s article refers to Gaslighting as: “Manipulation into doubting your own sanity.” The example he gives is, “Carl made Mary think she was crazy, even though she clearly caught him cheating. He gaslit her.”

The last several weeks of realizing that the treadmill is broken and there’s no way we’re ever getting back on it has been a traumatic experience whether we realize it yet or not. While we’re “in” the traumatic experience we go into survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze) to get through it. It’s not until the trauma has stopped and things go ‘back to normal” that we begin to see the effects of trauma unfold.

Most of us are quite resilient and will recover from the isolation of this pandemic just fine. Some of us will be shaken up for a while and need help getting our bearings. If this is you, therapy can be extremely helpful. Look for a wonderful therapist who will validate your experience and allow you to move beyond it as you are ready. Don’t get caught up in toxic positivity which forces you to think that if you aren’t “staying positive” something’s wrong with you. That’s a load of shit. You are human and your moods are watery, shifting and changing with the tides. A good therapist helps you make friends with the ocean so you can navigate it and find the balance that is best for you in each new moment as you ride the wave of life.

Click here to read the full article! 

Welcome New Therapist Chris Davis, LMFT!

Welcome New Therapist Chris Davis, LMFT!

Like I said a few posts ago… Louisville Mindfulness Center is E X P A N D I N G!!

Chris, Megan & Margaret

Margaret and I are excited to have Chris Davis joining our team. Chris has been a therapist for several years and is super-interesting! He’s had a few careers before becoming a therapist so he has lots of life experience (which we love!!). You can read more about him HERE.

Chris and Margaret will be taking the bulk of new clients as I (Megan) focus on some new endeavors. Clients will be in excellent hands! I would not trust just anyone to work in my practice.  I hand-pick all the therapists who work in my practice because they are excellent at what they do. We are committed to providing excellent services at Louisville Mindfulness Center.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

The title of this book caught my attention recently while I was at the airport. Working with many people who have anxiety or feel stressed out I thought it could be an interesting read. I like things that make us question the status quo and may be a bit provocative. The subtitle drove home my decision to purchase it: “A counterintuitive approach to living a good life.” Even cooler!

I was curious about the author and what his credentials are so I looked on the back cover and discovered he was a well followed blogger. Hmmm… Not your typical (potentially dry) self-help PhD? Not surprising with a title like this. My graduate studies had taught me to be leary about non-scientific based information, but I’m an out-of-the-box thinker, so I’m usually willing to let things speak for themself. As I read I realized Manson has no specific education or credential as a therapist or in the mental health field. What he does have is his own personal experiences, which he shares freely in the book (which is different than most PhD, self-help authors!). He’s likeable and seemingly very open, which is a plus for me. Essentially what I found is a very direct and easy-to-understand and assimilate way to communicate mindfulness (without really talking about mindfulness!). Even cooler!

I have many clients who are not “readers” and I’m always on the lookout for books that may be interesting to the uninterested reader. This book fit the profile. I have recommended it to several people and they *loved* the title and were willing to give it a whirl upon my recommendation.

A few of the premises in the book that caught my attention:

  1. We can never really avoid being in pain and discomfort (he uses the word suffering), so choose what you want to be in discomfort about.
  2. Choose what you want to give a f*ck about rather than giving a f*ck about everything.
  3. Your emotions are there for a very good reason – to give you feedback, to get your attention. So PAY ATTENTION to them!
  4. Make sure you are aligning with your values and priorities. Are the people you surround yourself with people you strive to be like? Are the decisions you are making assisting you in being the best version of yourself?
  5. Failure is to be expected! Welcome it. Learn from it! Perfectionism can keep us from living in reality… I mean really, at what point is “perfection” achieved?! Or are you always telling yourself you’re STILL not good enough.
  6. It’s ok to say “No.” Again, choosing what you do and don’t want to participate in establishes appropriate boundaries.

I found it to be a very enjoyable, humorous, and entertaining read and am glad I read it.

Intrigued?! Give it a whirl for yourself!

 

Introducing Our Weekly Mindfulness and Stress Management Group!

Weekly Mindfulness and Stress Management Group

Tuesdays, 5:30-6:30pm

We are excited to announce our Mindfulness and Stress Management Group starting 9/19/17 and continuing weekly every Tuesday.  The group meets at 5:30pm for one hour.

The group provides a relaxing and supportive atmosphere for you to develop skills to manage stress effectively and build positive relationships.  While the group will involve the teaching and practicing of mindfulness skills, there will also be opportunity for participants to process current stresses and receive feedback and support from others.

You are free to join the group on any week and participate for as long as you like; however, we encourage some consistency to give you the opportunity to get to know other people involved in the group and gain some momentum with your stress management.

We have limited spots available, so please make sure to sign up ahead of time through the scheduling section of our website.  The cost per session is $25.  Stewart Morgan, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate is facilitating the group.  If you have any questions, feel free to send him an email at LouisvilleMindfulnessCenter@gmail.com.

“Rewiring Your Brain” at Louisville Salt Cave

Nicole Bartlett and Kim Rash of Louisville Salt Cave have invited me back for their August Speaker’s Series.

Come hear me speak on using Mindfulness to “Rewire Your Brain,” August 31st at 6pm.

I’m looking forward to this opportunity to not only pass along some helpful nuggets of wisdom to help you change a pattern of thinking, feeling, or behaving, but also to offer an experiential practice that you can take with you anywhere you go! Learn to calm your mind and body, focus your attention, regulate your emotions, and find balance.

Register online on the Salt Cave’s website!

I’ll see you there!

Marriage Counseling, Anger Management, Anxiety, Couples Counseling

We are expanding! Introducing… Stewart Morgan!

Welcome Stewart Morgan!

Marriage Counseling, Anger Management, Anxiety, Couples Counseling

Due to the high demand for services, I am happy to announce I have added a new therapist to my practice.

Stewart works with individuals, couples and families to communicate better and feel more connected in their relationships. Not only is he a Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, he also has a master’s degree in Art Therapy.  He loves helping his clients come up with creative solutions to their issues.

Stewart grew up in Bangladesh, India and the US before attending college in Arkansas and graduate school in Missouri. He has a knack for working with clients of different cultural backgrounds and worldviews. He likes helping clients be accepting of themselves even when it feels like others aren’t always accepting of them.

Stewart’s excited to get to know you and be a positive support for you and I’m grateful to have him!

Summer Mindfulness Meditations!